<\/a><\/p>\n

Hey everyone. I just want one thing for my birthday this year: Please stop asking about my blood magic! I know you\u2019re curious and I get it. Believe me, I do. It must be maddening for you. After all, I haven\u2019t aged a day in thirteen years and my face is more or less the same cherubic beam of light that it was when you first met me. You\u2019ve probably spent hours contemplating the way my hair falls perfectly into place as though styled by a cadre of dark angels. And the red aura that seems to almost imperceptibly pulse just under the surface of my corneas is probably impossible to ignore.<\/span><\/p>\n

But as hard as it may be, you have to stop asking about it! It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t want to tell you. Believe me, if you\u2019d stumbled upon a wellspring of eternal youth and beauty this great, you\u2019d want to talk about it too. You think Jessica Simpson was excited to talk about Proactiv? Man, I got her beat hard. My pores are completely resistant to infection, irritants and greek fire after all. And I\u2019ve lost the need for bowel movements entirely. I mean, I\u2019m bursting to spread the word! But the simple truth is that I\u2019m forbidden by the oath that I took on the Rainless Night of Lightning Strikes from telling anyone not directly involved in the ritual.<\/span><\/p>\n

Besides, it\u2019s not like you have a firstborn on hand to sacrifice anyway. And I don\u2019t mean that as an insult. I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll find the right person to settle down with. Someone who will love you regardless of the steady decay that time ravages upon your body. And maybe you\u2019ll have a child of your own. A subjectively “perfect” girl or boy who shares your smile (minus the wrinkles caused by years of cellular degeneration). But even then, I\u2019m just not sure you\u2019ll have the fortitude to place that little tyke on the Altar of Gnashing and commit to driving Gormond\u2019s Blade between the fourth and fifth thoracic vertebrae. That\u2019s not a slight against you. I\u2019m sure you follow through on lots of things, but this one requires a little more grit.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ugh, this sucks. I really want to tell you all the juicy details. It\u2019s like having a person you\u2019re planning a surprise party for and you see them everyday and can\u2019t tell them! Except, in this case you\u2019re considering using their plasma to re-up your pact with the Unchanging Ones and if you told them they\u2019d report you to the police. I can\u2019t be responsible for another town being \u201cdisappeared\u201d because the local Sheriff got involved. My conscious is heavy enough. The family members of Edendale residents still have so many questions. I guess you have that in common.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m glad we had this talk though. I certainly feel better. Even though you won\u2019t remember most of it, I think you\u2019ll feel better too. Oh, one more favor: Enjoy the time you have left! You can\u2019t know how long that\u2019ll be, but suck the marrow out while you can (whether that\u2019s metaphorical or actual marrow). Because, before you know it, you might find yourself strapped to a kerosene-soaked pyre and wondering where it all went. I\u2019ll never know that feeling personally, but it sounds soul-crushing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, I\u2019d better be going. I\u2019ve got to drop by the cleaners and pick up my robes. If I don\u2019t get there by 3:00pm, I\u2019ll have to deal with Kelly. Don\u2019t get me wrong she\u2019s lovely and all, but asks way too many questions about the gentle shriek the fabric makes when you plunge it in water. What happened to \u201cNo Questions Asked Service\u201d? Ah well, she\u2019s young. For now.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey everyone. I just want one thing for my birthday this year: Please stop asking about my blood magic! I know you\u2019re curious and I get it. Believe me, I do. It must be maddening for you. After all, I haven\u2019t aged a day in thirteen years and my face is more or less the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":54,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[3,4,25,5],"tags":[6,26,28,27],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/SampleVial-Full-icon.png?fit=256%2C256&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6yCEP-10","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=62"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":67,"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62\/revisions\/67"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/54"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=62"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=62"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.richardfromsales.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=62"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}